Thank You, Rochelle

What does your writer/artist-community look like? This week, I’ve been thinking lots about my community, or communities to be specific, and find myself evermore grateful for all the support I’ve managed to find for my creativity over the years. This is not without effort, of course, because the world does not usually come crawling to kiss your feet. Maybe especially the writing world. In many ways, to be an artist is to go it alone – so to gather together, to create, a circle of like-minded or like-creative friends and acquaintances is not an abracadabra-it’s-here happening.

For me, first there was the group that poet-therapist Rochelle Brener led at the Capital District Psychiatric Center years ago, called Relatives Writing Workshop. These were the gatherings that brought me back to writing. To join, you had to have a relative or close friend with a mental illness. Finding this group – and Rochelle – in 1992 was a god(dess)-send, all the way through to its closure in 1995. It was Rochelle who handed me my first brochure for the International Women’s Writing Guild summer conference, which I finally attended in 1995 (and haven’t missed since). When I decided to create a writing group emulating the inspiring, supportive IWWG event’s atmosphere, it was at Rochelle Brener’s newly opened Mandala Center for Creative Wellness that WomanWords first came together. We continued to meet there for almost five years, until my friend moved to Sedona.

I think of all the networking – the communities – that have come out of that life-changing moment when I first saw the tiny blurb about Relatives Writing Workshop in some newsletter. IWWG led to WomanWords, WomanWords to meeting so many gifted women, who led me to the active open mic scene in the Upper Hudson/Mohawk River area of New York State, to the Hudson Valley Writing Guild. WomanWords also resulted in my organizing smaller writing groups- Wild Women Writing, Beach Writers, a 4-person poetry feedback group. Through writers and artists encountered in all these communities, I’ve gotten acquainted with others, attended workshops, friended folks on Facebook. The connections go on and on.

No wonder the WomanWords logo includes a spider web, symbolizing the ever-widening connections between women writers. It goes beyond women to ALL writers. Each thread affirms the spirit and enthusiasm with which we honor our words. Our stories are everyone’s stories, individualized and universal.

Rochelle passed away in Sedona two years ago this past March. How do you thank someone who gave you a gift you already possessed but needed to own? What do you say about a person who gave so much of herself to everyone she encountered, yet would tell you she received as much and more in return? You can’t “miss” an angel when you know she sits on your right shoulder always, and yet sometimes you’d love to hear her voice, get another e-mail from her with her latest poem or announcement about her activities.

Here’s a poem I wrote at a workshop with John Fox, author of Poetic Medicine: The Healing Art of Poem-Making (http://www.poeticmedicine.com/), late last year. I believe the prompt was to write to someone asking their assistance with something, perhaps in letter or prayer form. For me, the result speaks to all Rochelle was, as much as it entreats her spirit for a little help in areas in which I could use it! (Still haven't figured out how to stop Blogger from destroying my poem's format, so this one's off too!)


INVOKING ROCHELLE*
by Marilyn Zembo Day

Teach me to listen, dear friend,
for the bubbling undercurrent,
the spring from which heart and soul
erupts, where words attempt to describe
a life, a vision, a world unseen by others
yet real in its gifts and inevitable losses.

Show me how to focus, to bring myself
inward, to scratch away unnecessary
scrabble that pulls me further from
streams of consciousness, threatening
to scatter me like white wisps of dandelion
to impotent corners far from my creative self.

Rochelle, bring me to your place of discovery,
shared with so many, that I might produce
even a fraction of what you imparted to a broken
weeping world: words, visions, confidence,
empathy, sympathy, joy — folded into star-studded
packets of poetry, prose, expressive arts.

Keep me from spilling into my tendencies toward
over-doing, spreading into multiple layers
of plans, workshops, appointments. Take me,
instead, into the silence I am learning
to cherish where you, my Muse, remind me

I am called
to create.

I ask this, my once and always friend,
in the names of all goddesses we invoked,
in honor of countless lives you enriched,
for warming light you brought to shadowed faces,

because your torch burns still, in our hearts.

Blessed Be.

*Rochelle Brener (1945-2008), writer, editor, poet-therapist, Senior Poet Laureate of Arizona, artist, photographer, mask maker.


Do I think this is the best of poems? No. But, for me, it is healing. It addresses the woman who showed me how to create real community and to sustain it. Remember that movie title, Pay It Forward? This is what I do, for Rochelle, for Judi Beach, for Hannelore Hahn, for every person (most of whom have been women) who inspired and supported me. And for myself, because my mentors have taught me that to nurture the world, one must first nurture and love one’s Self.

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YOUR TURN

• Make a list of your “communities” – groups of people in your life, however formalized or freeform they might be. Writing groups, co-workers, community action groups, art organizations, neighborhood friends, family, etc. Jot down notes about how each supports you. Note also if there are negatives, i.e., do they pull you down sometimes? call your goals pipedreams?
o Choose one group, one member of that group, and write a letter to her/him. Ask their help with something: a project, a personal matter, etc. (Note: all “letters” in this exercise are meant to be “Unsent Letters” although you could really mail them if you like.)
o Write a Thank You note to each community.
o Write a Letter to Self, promising that you will spend more time with the supportive community folks than those making you feel that you can’t write/create, that nothing you will do will ever be good enough, or that you should re-focus on the money-making side of life.

• I re-contacted my favorite high school English teacher years ago, after WomanWorder Judith Prest wrote about letters and meetings with her old English teacher at a WW session where our theme was “Mentors.” While Judy’s teacher has since passed away, I still occasionally have lunch with mine (she moved back to the Capital Region several years ago), often bringing books for the library in her community of Roman Catholic sisters.
o Write about someone who nurtured your desire to write or create art of any kind. Can you recall what s/he looked like? Her/his scent? Put it in the context of the period in time (what did the clothes look like? automobiles driven by this person, if any? anything that will put your mentor in a time and place). How were you mentored? Did this person have faith in your abilities when others didn’t, when you didn’t? Were you reluctant to accept help or encouragement? Do you know where your mentor is today?
o Write a letter to someone who nurtured your creativity. Thank them. Tell them how they did it and what you’re doing now with what s/he taught you. This person may not be alive today; or you might know where s/he lives.
o Write a letter to someone you think needs encouragement, especially in the realm of writing/creativity. Point out specific talents you’ve witnessed in her/her, and give them hope that they can enrich the world with their work. Make them want to make more art, to develop their talents. Tell them about what they may encounter on their artistic path and how to counter negativity.
o Often our mentors aren’t real people in our lives. They’re people in history or books, writers we’ve never met, subjects of news stories who’ve inspired. Write about someone you’ve admired from afar, real or unreal, living or dead—what they did/said that impressed you; how you might like to emulate her/him. This could be in letter form, if you like.

Writing, Like Yoga: Good for You!

Many of my friends manage to make entries on their blogs regularly, some every day. I am in awe. How do they do it? It’s been a year since I’ve touched this blogsite. Luckily, it hasn’t been a year since I’ve written anything, although I’m not as consistent at that as I’d like to be either.

Like yoga, I know a regular writing practice is good for me. Like yoga, I feel better after even one session of at least 30 minutes. And yet here I am, once again, attempting to build into my day (or at least into my week) a pattern in which both yoga and writing co-exist with the other necessities in my life. Like eating, sleeping, cooking, housecleaning (ok, not so regular about this one!), breathing…

This week I’ve spent 30-35 minutes minimum, 3 out of 4 days, greeting the sun with yoga poses, i.e., I’ve been up early and it’s the first thing accomplished. As for the writing, this past year my Wild Women Writing and Beach Writers groups have met sporadically and scribbled words as well as created art together (in fact, five WWWers took a 5-day retreat together at Wellspring House in Massachusetts, http://www.wellspringhouse.net/, in November). Except for a lengthy winter layover, I’ve managed to draft and e-mail several WomanWords E-Newsletters, even as I struggled to convert the distribution list from topica.com to a Google list. I’m currently in the middle of leading a WomanWords series of workshops at Still Point Interfaith Retreat Center (http://www.stillpointretreatcenter.com/). Not to be overlooked, Spirit of a Woman: A Journey of Power, Passion & Place, led by Dorothy Randall Gray and myself last month, brought 17 women to Still Point for an incredible weekend of writing and the making of WomanSpirit dolls. (Note today's photo above: I am holding a WomanSpirit doll and reading what I've written from her.)

So I have written. Several poems, most of which I love, have come from many of these gatherings. Some even emerged from solitary writing sessions over chai lattes at Barnes & Noble cafes.

At WriterSister Leslie Neustadt’s urging, I created a purposely-small poetry feedback group (first meeting early in May) in which the four of us bring poems for positive, in-depth critique. Positive doesn’t mean saying, for every work presented, “This is great!” (even though these poets are amazing wordsmiths). It means that we always start with a positive comment about the piece, what we especially liked, and all other suggestions are couched in wording that honors the fact that this is that poet’s work and it is her decision about what gets edited: “I’d have liked to know more about…” “I love these lines, but wasn’t clear about…” “If it were my poem, I might’ve…” Always, always, always, we are encouraging the writer to keep writing (which is also how every WomanWords session and event operates). Out of this group, in just a short time, I now have five honed poems plus two more from our session this week to-be-further-edited.

Another “event” also encouraged me to write/edit more (this reminds me of a t-shirt I received from Rochelle Brener years ago, still worn around the house occasionally- down the left-frontside, black letters against white, it exhorts, “write/ edit/ write/ edit/ write/ edit.”). Award-winning poet D. H. Melhem (http://www.dhmelhem.com/) invited me to participate in her “Poetry One-on-One” class at this year's International Women’s Writing Guild conference (being held for the first time at prestigious Brown University in Providence, RI, http://www.iwwg.org/). A few years ago, I applied to and was accepted for this individual poetry critique and discussion with D.H. and came away with both an affirmation of my creativity and excellent suggestions for editing many poems (a couple, she thought, were actually finished, no changes needed!). To be “invited” back to One-on-One felt like both an honor and a challenge. It forced me to review my work, pull out 10 pages of poetry for the master-poet’s review, create a 75-words-or-less statement of theme for a proposed chapbook or full-length book of my poetry, and draft a possible table of contents. A worthy exercise capable of making any writer focus. My pages, statement and table of contents have been in D.H.’s hands for a few months, and the effects of such a review of my poetry continue to have a ripple effect—the new critique group, pulling out old poetry to hone them for the anticipated book, and a smile on my face as I look forward to the conference and my One-on-One.

The other effect was to look over a life and its purpose. This year, I moved into the Social Security age bracket. My words spread before me—well, poetry only, in this case—it seemed like there should’ve been more. I should’ve been more engaged with words during my 20s, 30s, 40s. But then, adding in the other writing (fiction, nonfiction, newsletters, a play...), plus writing-related activities, I begin to see why others tell me that I “find more energy in one day than [they] can muster in a week [or a month…].” It wasn’t/isn’t about just my words. It’s about YOUR words too, which I’d encapsulated in this short poem last fall:


MISSION STATEMENT
by Marilyn Zembo Day

Here is what I do:
I scatter seeds
I tell you, You Can.
I give you tools:
paper, pen,
permission.

Seeds require
soil, water, sunshine
Given attention, they birth.
You are Woman.
You are Creation.

Birth. Walk out into the world.
Scatter your seeds.
Tell your stories.
I give you permission.
I give you my seeds.


Still, it’s important that one make time, make space in a life for her/his own writing. To write is to go deep, to witness, to acknowledge one’s place in the world. On that note, I’ll leave you with one of the poems written about my life, my place in the world, originally published in the Akros Review (out of U. of Akron) in 2007 (unfortunately, the formatting for each "date" seems to have gotten lost in the copying from MSWord - something to figure out later on, i.e., how to prevent that).


PROBABLY SOBER
(after Deborah Harding’s “How I Knew Harold”)
by Marilyn Zembo Day

Sometime in 1971 Carol, Chris and I throw snowballs at each other outside Stonehenge Apartments. It is 3:30 a.m. and the bars closed half an hour ago. Our much older neighbors slumber in their beds. Probably sober too.

Sometime in 1947 Mom climbs three flights of stairs to Aunt Mary’s and Uncle Champ’s flat, eats spaghetti and meatballs and goes into labor. I am born with a pointy head. Mom later tells me, over and over again, that I looked like Dinny Dimwit.

Sometime in 1968 Roy sends me six red roses for my twenty-first birthday.

Sometime in 1958 I spend the night at Susan’s house. We practice kissing, just in case Richie corners one of us near the school yard and wants a smooch. Susan tells me how a boy and girl do it but I don’t believe her. It sounds gross… and impossible.

Sometime in 1959 my father buys me a clunky, gray, used Remington office typewriter. He says, “Girls should learn how to type.” He also tells me girls shouldn’t go to college.

Sometime in 1987 my daughter and her friend are in the kitchen with me. I am making cookies for Sunday school youth group. Kristen asks, “How old were you, Mom, when you first did it with a guy? I drop my spatula.

Sometime in 1956 my brother George’s teacher pulls me out of my fourth grade classroom to witness her yelling at him for failing a spelling test. “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” My mother is pissed off but she won’t call Mrs. Benson to complain.

Sometime in 1969 Roy and I park on Krumkill Road to make out. I toss my underpants out the window before he drives me home.

Sometime in 1965 I am accepted at State University of New York at Albany, early decision plan. They require a $50 deposit. My father says girls shouldn’t go to college. My mother takes out a loan against a life insurance policy to cover the deposit and Christmas presents.

Sometime in 1971 Lloyd sends me two dozen roses. He tells me he is married. His wife is expecting their second child. Oops. The night we met, the song playing on his car radio was I Never Promised You a Rose Garden.

Sometime in 2006 my cousin Mary spends an entire day of her vacation cooking her mother’s famous spaghetti sauce with meatballs and sausage. She and her husband are staying with my brother George. I bring home sauce and sausage to freeze for future consumption.

Sometime in 1978 Bill and I host a party. Roy brings a date. Mary says to Carol and me that Roy is probably the only guy at the party who’s slept with four of the women in the room (assuming he’s already slept with his date). We compare notes.

In mid-November 1972 my water breaks at 6 a.m. during the first snow storm of the season. After a half hour of Bill’s digging the VW out of the snow and seventeen hours of my own labor, I have a caesarean section. Our daughter’s head is perfectly rounded.

Sometime in 1968 I quit college, for the first but not the last time.

Sometime in 2005 I begin seeking an agent for my novel. First choices are those who take e-mail submissions because they’re just a few easy keystrokes away. Girls should learn to type.

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YOUR TURN

o Can you write a Mission Statement? What is it you DO or want to Do? This doesn’t have to be about poetry or even about writing. It’s about looking inside yourself and witnessing your life. Look for themes—what ideas, causes recur in your life? Perhaps, these have changed over time (which would be normal!). Make a list of what mattered to you during different stages over the years. Can you trace a pattern, a moving-toward your current needs and desires? Pick up your pen or get into MSWord and let the words flow. If it needs to become a poem, it will. If it’s meant to be prose, that will happen. LET IT HAPPEN.

o What “regular practice” (writing, yoga, t’ai chi, jogging, painting, etc.) would you like to encourage in yourself? Make a list of those potential practices. Choose one and write about why you aren’t already deep into this practice. If you’ve tried and failed to make it a habit, talk about why it didn’t work out. Don’t beat yourself up for it, just note what stopped you and ways you think could counter that happening this time around. Close with an affirmation that encourages you to follow that practice (but won’t set you off on a guilt trip if you falter at times).

o My poem, “Probably Sober,” came out of an exercise published in Steve Kowit’s In the Palm of Your Hand: The Poet’s Portable Workshop (Tilbury House, 1995). Kowit provided Deborah Harding’s “How I Knew Harold” as an example of “a collage of memories out of which the poet created an appealing self-portrait.” He suggested that readers “write a poem with the same structure” as Harding’s, noting that the chronology is “jumbled” so that memories don’t move in a clear progression but jump back and forth. He also says to be sure that at least three of the items interconnect, if only tangentially. He also mentions that you should “hold to a chatty voice… you do not want to get self-consciously eloquent or lyrical.” This exercise worked well enough for me—it even helped me to write a poem that got published. Try it. Let me know what happened!